A doctor’s story of recovery from long covid
- Dr Sarah Gawthorpe
- Dec 21, 2024
- 8 min read
Updated: 15 hours ago
Our last blog of 2024 was written by Dr Sarah Gawthorpe who shares her story of recovery from long covid along with the neuroplastic (mind-body) tools she used to heal, in the hope that it might help someone find that missing piece to their own unique recovery puzzle. Whilst Dr Sarah is a GP, her blog does not constitute medical advice.
My story
In 2021, life changed drastically. I started the year leading a full, active life ‘in my prime’. I had a part-time job as a doctor, which I loved, whilst also caring for my 3-year-old son. I enjoyed sports, the outdoors, and seeing friends.
Fast forward two covid infections; I developed disabling fatigue to the extent I was housebound; brain fog so severe I couldn’t construct sentences or do simple maths sums; unable to care for my child for more than half an hour, and unable to go to work.
It was an isolating, scary place - having this new mystery illness with no idea if I would recover, and no medical treatments in sight. I found myself at times being gaslit by medical peers, with a condition that was largely misunderstood by friends/family/ employers and the wider community. I did not understand it either. The symptoms seemed so strange and didn’t fit neatly into any ‘box’ that I’d learnt at medical school.
My Long Covid Symptoms
Alongside severe fatigue and brain fog, my symptoms included extreme hypersensitivity to sound, light and temperature; tinnitus; hypothermia; poor digestion; blood sugar irregularities; dizziness with very low blood pressure and low pulse rate. It also plunged me into peri-menopause and triggered an autoimmune inflammatory gut disorder.
The Impact of my Long Covid Symptoms
Due to the severity of these symptoms, I was unable to work and socialise, which impacted me psychologically, emotionally and financially. I lost a sense of purpose. But what felt the most crushing was that I was unable to look after my son. I didn’t even have the energy to put him to bed, let alone attend to the rest of his day-to-day care. On my worst days, my narrative was that ‘I couldn’t even be a mum’ (my most important job in the world); this was felt deeply.
Initially I felt embarrassed or ‘weak’ that I had long covid. Believing my symptoms were caused directly by the virus, questions like ‘Why am I not strong enough to cope with this virus when others are?’ would play on my mind. But then I realised that coping daily with disabling symptoms meant I must have deep inner strength – I hope you can feel that too. Realising how strong we must be, I find empowering and can provide a base on which to build recovery and maintain the belief/hope that recovery is possible.
My Road to Recovery: Five Pillars to Wellness
The 2.5 years from my worst to my full recovery were an undulating journey, gradually improving over that time. Recovery wasn’t linear - more of a ‘2 steps forward, 1 step back’ journey, so please don’t lose heart if you have some good days followed by some harder ones.
The tools and techniques that I used to heal can be gathered into five themes or ‘pillars’, which make up my ‘recovery blueprint’.
Initially I focused on nervous system regulation (pillar 1), which was central to my recovery and is a focus of this blog. Pillars 2 and 3 (ensuring good nutrition and microbiome support - and restorative sleep) supported my nervous system work. Pacing myself to return to activity (pillar 4) and adopting a healing mindset were also key (pillar 5).
The Importance of Nervous System Regulation
Firstly, I felt I needed to calm my whole nervous system to allow my body to start to heal. My aim was to reduce the Sympathetic Nervous System response or ‘fight/flight/freeze’ and spend more time in ‘rest and digest’ (Parasympathetic Nervous System).
I used lots of different tools to do this including relaxing music (using the Sensate app); vagus nerve stimulation (e.g. humming and massaging the nerve); long covid-specific yoga classes (gentle and restorative); regular mindfulness meditations (using the Insight Timer or Calm app); self-compassion meditations; diaphragmatic breathing exercises; being in nature - and connection with a supportive long covid community. There are lots of long covid groups on Facebook, but finding a supportive, gentle, hopeful group felt nourishing whilst also counteracting the isolation. I removed myself from any that were ‘scaremonger’ territory.
Exercise/Movement and Pacing Myself
At the beginning of my recovery journey, doing too much meant I’d be bedbound for 48 hours, not able to interact. Therefore, pacing myself, both physically and mentally, was key. Six months later, I was ready to do a bit more, but the conditioning and caution I had received from the long covid clinic about pacing caused a slight fear of overdoing things.
Initially I used a smartwatch to monitor my exercise, but this meant that my eyes would be glued to my device in case I went over a ‘dreaded threshold’ of steps or heart rate (limitations based on conditioned thinking) as I increased my activity levels. This kept the anxiety of doing too much and bringing on a crash upfront in my mind – rather than the joy of doing more.
I changed tack, therefore, and would play uplifting meditations or music whilst doing short walks in nature and listened to my body/intuition on when to stop. This approach alongside being in nature helped me forget the fear and keep it a wholly positive experience. Gentle yoga was also helpful here (lots of restorative poses initially, progressing to more active ones with time).
Another tool I found to help with triggering fatigue/fear of long covid symptoms, was my own version of somatic tracking*. Whenever I felt fearful that my fatigue or other symptoms may get triggered/worse, I felt into the sensation that the thoughts caused in my body. Perhaps it was a knot in my chest, pressure in my jaw, deep pain in the chest. Then I would stay with the sensations, calmly breathing into it and letting it be there (without any mind involvement). Paradoxically, the longer I stayed with these sensations, the less they became. Then the next time I found myself in a situation I would have previously felt triggered in, (e.g. worrying about having enough energy to work), I found I was much less triggered.
Healing Mindset
After 6-9 months, when my brain fog and fatigue had improved enough to manage it, I started reading more widely about holistic ways of recovering from illnesses including learning about the mind-body connection. I remember a quote that struck me: “Where focus goes, energy flows”. It made me wonder if what I focused on was more likely to come true. Perhaps the way I viewed my recovery would make a difference to my health. I read the neuroscience behind this perspective and related it to epigenetics.
I had already heard of positive mental attitude, but I felt it was unrealistic and abnormal to be positive all the time (especially tricky when one has a severe illness). So I looked for tools/techniques that felt more sincere. Tools that could still validate the feelings of grief and loss from losing so many facets of my life through long covid but also ended in an uplifting way that was helpful for recovery. Some tools felt like they fitted better some days than others, so I developed an arsenal…
This included my gratitude practice. Some days it felt difficult to find things to be grateful for, so I often used a guided meditation to get my mind into the right space. I realised that there were small, simple things I could be grateful for, like a cosy blanket or stroking my dog. Listening to gratitude meditations in nature provided a ‘double hit’ of feeling uplifted. Other people write gratitude lists or text a friend three things they are grateful for each day.
Tapping was also helpful if I was feeling ‘stuck’ in a negative space/thought pattern. Tapping basically involves saying affirmations whilst tapping on acupressure points and is surprisingly well-researched and evidenced**. I would listen to whatever track on the ‘Tapping Solutions' app spoke to me at the time. If I was feeling anxious, I would tap along to ‘help me stop overthinking’, or ‘releasing anxiety in the body’ or ‘release stress’ tracks. I liked how each meditation started with acknowledging the negative feelings you may be experiencing before then opening to the possibility of more healing, positive thoughts.
I prioritised doing things that brought joy if I could. This is different for everyone, perhaps it’s art or music or poetry or gardening or being in nature or hobbies, etc.
I also worked on identifying self-limiting beliefs - and changing my internal narrative to more positive/helpful thought patterns, learning from coaches like Phil Parker and Joe Dispenza via Youtube. Sometimes I used visualisation to support me in achieving my recovery goals. I created a list and visualised myself with those attributes: an agile brain, a deep well of energy, resilience, strength, freedom, self-belief, faith in my body. I also visualised how my world would look when I had my health back: playing with my child, running along the beach, my brain working hard at work, partying with friends, climbing a mountain, etc. Depending on my mood, some days felt harder to visualise - guided visualisations with the above coaches were helpful as they lead you step-by-step.
Other areas I worked on included learning to prioritise myself more and to foster self-compassion and forgiveness (of myself and others), following the work of Gabor Mate, Kristen Neff and Tara Brach.
Full Recovery
After a year of using these tools and techniques, I was about 60% improved. The end of the second year took me to 90%. By continuing to use my tools, I got to 100% at 2.5 years.
I’m pleased to say I’m back to regular jogs with the dog, working in the job I love, badminton, yoga, socialising and fully caring for my young child. I sincerely hope you can get to full recovery too.
When I was most unwell, I promised myself I would climb a mountain when I was better... so, in spring 2024, I climbed Snowdon on a particularly rainy, windy day! The achievement I felt of getting to that summit was immense – it felt like I had conquered long covid, as well as a mountain.
Lessons from Healing
There have been some silver linings/learnings from my long covid journey. I have learnt about my inner strength, priorities and what’s important in life; to take pauses more often; to be grateful for both big and small things in my life and not take my health for granted - along with the importance of balance; of doing activities that bring me peace, joy and wellbeing, and of putting my needs first.
I have also developed a passion for helping others with long covid: I have been on the radio raising awareness, visiting long covid clinics in the UK, on the ‘Long Covid Podcast’ sharing my story, and have an Instagram page with helpful tips for recovery (@drsarahlongcovidrecovery).
I am also part of a wider movement of doctors with extra specialism in lifestyle medicine (British Society of Lifestle Medicine), I am undergoing training courses with SIRPA and am part of a UK-wide mind-body medicine doctors group, who hope to further disseminate these ideas amongst the medical community.
I plan to continue living by my five pillars of wellness. In this fast-paced, modern world we live in, they seem like a good antidote to stress. Perhaps others may benefit from living in this way, whether you have long covid, chronic fatigue, another chronic illness, or just want to keep healthy.
Good luck with your recovery.
Sarah x
References:
*Somatic tracking is a mindfulness practice that allows people to be aware of sensations in the body through a lens of safety and compassionate curiosity (rather than fear which can fuel the fire of chronic symptoms).
** Tapping research:
