The impact of our ways of being on our chronic symptoms

Our guest blogger this month is Carole Randell, psychotherapist and coach, who used the neuroplastic approach to recover from years of chronic pain and fatigue, which led her to be diagnosed with fibromyalgia. In her blog, Carole writes about ways of being that can unintentionally trigger the nervous system and contribute to chronic symptoms. 

Introduction

In our fast-paced, demanding world, it's no secret that our health is affected by various factors, and many of these are related to stress and our mind-body connection. Modern neuroscience is now showing us the strong connection between nervous system dysregulation and chronic symptoms, such as persistent pain. The nervous system can and does get stuck in survival mode, constantly searching for threats within our inner and outer environment, which can prompt our bodies to respond with physical symptoms to alert us of potential dangers. These threats are not only physical but can also include emotional and psychological challenges, often related to our experiences - and the ways in which we respond to them and conduct ourselves in our daily lives.

Our ways of being in the world

Our ways of being can contribute to this high level of hypervigilance. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, self-pressure, and overly critical thoughts and expectations can create an immense amount of pressure, triggering the brain and nervous system to respond with symptoms that act as a warning sign. In essence, these symptoms are alerting us that something is out of balance, and it’s often a sign of not honouring our own needs and wants, such as for rest, play, space, and connection.

How do these ways of being come to be? 

Oftentimes, we face a conflict between our inner sense of self and the way we portray ourselves to the world. This conflict arises from our beliefs, expectations, self-judgment, inherited or learned personality traits, and the roles and responsibilities we assume as we try to adapt to life. All these contribute to a state of being that may lead us to live inauthentically, and it can be a major stressor. This misalignment between what our inner selves believe is right and the actions we take ultimately causes stress that is damaging to both our mind and body.

Using this knowledge in my  own recovery

In 2007, I was diagnosed with the chronic conditions of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome (more commonly known as ME or CFS). As a mum to four boys, a wife, a carer for my in-laws, and with a demanding job in the NHS, I became just too exhausted to cope. My mind said, “you have to keep going,” but my body very firmly said, “that is enough!”. Coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t superwoman was a very humbling experience. Quite simply, I didn’t know who I was anymore.

Using a mind-body approach I learnt about the autonomic nervous system (ANS) and how we can get stuck in a state of hypervigilance as a way of coping with painful emotions.

As I looked more deeply into the correlation between my physical symptoms and emotional issues, my triggers, and my self-defeating behaviour patterns such as self-criticism and the pressures I put on myself, I learnt to reframe the meaning of pain and symptoms. I now understand that my symptoms reflected my unexpressed emotional pain.  This all led me to realise the importance of combatting personal neglect, particularly in a society where external responsibilities tend to overshadow our inner selves. Embracing my inner child, understanding my beliefs and values, and redefining inherited beliefs based on my true values have been life-altering steps for me.

Living life authentically

By doing so, I have begun to live my life authentically, without prejudice, and unapologetically true to myself. The freedom and fulfilment I’ve found in this authenticity are beyond what I ever imagined, and it’s something I fervently wish for anyone who is on their own path of mind-body recovery.

How can you support your own recovery by working with your own ways of being?

Recovery begins from within.  Cultivating an inner resilience, acknowledging when we feel upset, frustrated, or emotionally pained, and using journalling can help to identify patterns that create inner tension. Engaging in meditative practices like yoga nidra can help make a connection to our inner selves as can something as simple as putting in small pockets of peace during the day using a little practice such as pause-breathe-feel, which releases stress and tension in the body, heart and mind enabling us to become more fully present and relaxed in life. By nurturing our inner selves, we can lead a life that is fulfilling, meaningful, and authentic, regardless of the external pressures. 

Changing habits of a lifetime takes time, patience and lots of self-compassion. We often need to start small, taking little but consistent steps in a new direction. This is not an easy task as these ways of being are not our fault, merely a defence mechanism to our own life experiences that create inner tension, which then shows up as physical symptoms when we are unable to (through no fault of our own) to deal with our emotions.

Our ways of being can change, it's time to take that first step and become your true self, unapologetically and authentically. Making these kinds of changes directly supports nervous system regulation and recovery as well as enriching our enjoyment of life.

Let’s embark on this journey to self-discovery and inner peace and encourage others to do the same.